Life is so Coincidental

**Note: this post is weird and short handed because I kept having to come in and out of writing it. My thoughts appear incomplete and sound lightweight, but there was a lot more to discuss.

September 11, 2016 at 11:25 AM

About the break up:

On Wednesday, I broke up with Luka after I found out something awful that he’d done to me. I generally feel fine about what happened to me, but I’m mostly upset about how he handled it and the things that he said. He tried to guilt me about it, place blame on the alcohol, and invalidate what happened. I’m really sad that he doesn’t understand the severity and wrongness of what happened, because I realize that many other people are probably just as unaware. I had guilt over what happened only because I’ve chosen to not report it to the authorities, so I feel like it’s my responsibility now to make sure that he doesn’t do it to anyone else. At the same time, I’m not making it my responsibility to teach him anything. So, I compromised and told his brother everything that happened and explained that my goal is for Luka to make a long lasting permanent change in perspective. I don’t want to ruin his life.

I slept at his apartment that night. I was really confused and I didn’t know what to do. We were supposed to drive up together to Hasti’s Thursday night. I didn’t have a car or any friends except Alex in the area, who I had been keeping in touch with the entire time. In the morning, I decided to buy a bus ticket (with Megabus, the one that we used together that one time). He insisted on driving me to the Union Station, and that’s where we said goodbye. I mostly miss his company and the friendship. 

About the phone call:

I texted you happy birthday. I debated not doing it, because I remembered that you forgot to text me on mine. To my surprise, you called me. The thing about it is that it’s so weird- if you had called any other day I wouldn’t have been able to pick up. You haven’t called me in a ridiculous amount of months, and I’ve wanted to but I haven’t either. It was awkward I guess. Hasti would say that it’s because we weren’t talking about what we really wanted to talk about. You mentioned you’re with a tight knit group, and that someone brought a bunch of Xanax to the party you were at. I wasn’t sure if you had any or not and what my opinion about it is. After talking to you I felt pretty empty. I think the reality hit me that maybe you’re not someone I really wanna be with, cuz I realize I would have to make so many exceptions. It’s just so strange to me that you happened to call, it was so perfectly timed.

Anyway…