Better Off Sleeping Alone

Dear Diary,

And another journal entry begins. This one, just like the others, begins with a simple thought. Tonight’s thought? 

Maybe I’m better off sleeping on my own.

I guess I’ve been moving on, and there are some things I want you to know. I was so caught up in who I thought you were that I forgot how to love myself. And if you think that I was blind, know that I wasn’t. I know you yelled at me when I didn’t deserve it. I know you made me self conscious and tried to change who I was, and all the words I spoke and feelings I dared to expose. You tried to keep me quiet and compliant. The only reason you think I’m blind is because you never heard me yell like you. It was hard to see what was going on. 

And if you think that I’m average in any aspect, I’m glad you left me so I can find someone who sees who I truly am. You made me feel small, and I was a fool to let you break down my walls. If you’re the kind of person who sees unconditional love and takes advantage of it, and finds reason to fight it- then it’s all on you and not me. I haven’t been average in any part of my history, and it was never my responsibility to help you see that. 

It’s better to sleep alone than falling asleep with someone who chose blindness, chose to forget and chose to leave. Someone who gets bored and weak when presented with challenges. It’s my fault for believing what you told me when you told me, and that I trusted your words to last. People change, and while I never thought it would happen- you changed. 

It’s better that I find someone who won’t mistreat me and bring me guilt about it. I’m better off without your uncommitted, confused, immature love. You’re at your weak point now, and I chose to support you, but truth be known- I’m sorry- you can’t make the calls when you’re on that end of the spectrum. You’re just a [CONTENT REMOVED] guy scared of someone real. 

I figure it must’ve been confusing to hit the jackpot on your first time trying the lottery. 

Until you learn to appreciate who I am and all that the other girls could never be, I’m not giving you my time. I guess it makes sense when you realize I didn't have much to lose except my own beliefs.

Love,