Dear Diary,
I just happened to come across this, and this is exactly the kind of stuff that makes me so mad. I don't like the type of blog post I did the other night, it makes me feel terribly. I have to do something to get me to keep going, but I feel so guilty when I'm that honest and in-the-moment. Most of the time in my life I don't say things that I don't mean permanently, or that I wouldn't stand by in the future.
I keep meeting all these guys at school and honestly they all bore me, and I just can't see it with them at all. They're just not the kind of people who'd understand me. I just feel like people are empty, like I come across guys who'd be dependable and happy, but I just don't feel anything. I know they don't listen to the same music I do, I know they won't understand my past. Just feeling emptiness in other people sucks.
I'm trying to move on for my own sake, but I can't help but wait. I just feel like if he'd look through some pictures or watch some videos that reminded him of how amazing we were, he'd understand. We were just in a rough patch. It's a confusing time for everyone... I just wish he didn't give up on us and stood by his words the way that I am.
I know I have to give it time- give me time- but it's like I'm walking on a treadmill. Everyone and everything is just passing me by, and I can see, but I'm not living.
I wonder how he's feeling tonight. I assume just fine- blocked out everything that reminds him of us, because it's distracting and better off that way. Maybe he feels nothing at all, now.
What will I do?
No comments:
Post a Comment