Dear Diary,
He’s in a completely different world. He’s not phased at all, he’s completely happy. He’s got loads of girls to talk to and boost his confidence. It’s almost as if he had nothing to lose.
The time before he came over I spent writing the most honest letter I’ve written so far. I put it between some papers into his binder, hoping he’d find it in a couple of weeks. I kind of regret writing the letter now, because he won’t understand any of it. I’m just a fool. He just seemed incredibly high- like he’s just the happiest he’s ever been. No sign of pain, no sign of hesitation or regret… He talked about how he’s been having a lot of regrets about the relationship- I don’t know what that means. He said he had a lot of regrets about the decisions he made. I don’t know what that means. He said that if we were ever to have another relationship, it would be completely different. I agree.
I don’t know how I’m feeling right now. He still called me babe and he kissed me on my head before he left. He hugged me numerous times. I’m so confused. It was as if there was just nothing there- except a wall. He talked about everything as if it’d already passed. He handed me his new phone to look at and some girl named Erica had texted him. I’m assuming there are multiple girls he’s texting. It makes me feel really sad. I'm jealous but I also feel like it's so real now. He moved on so fast...
I hope he meets loads of girls, but then has the thought of “But my girl looks like this. My girl talks like this. My girl gets excited about x y and z, and cries at the thought of a b and c.” He said he’s really happy. How the hell is it so easy for him? Did this not mean anything to him after all? Why am I having a completely different experience?
I feel so fucking dumb.
No comments:
Post a Comment